


I Will Not Be Late

by nolifemegan



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Canonical Character Death, F/M, M/M, eliza's there but u miss it if u blink, fr listen to twin size mattress, im sorry if i make you sad, kind of, ok im done, they kiss once and it's nice but then it's not, this is literally all sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-12
Updated: 2016-09-12
Packaged: 2018-08-14 13:59:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8016754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nolifemegan/pseuds/nolifemegan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"with tears in my eyes, i begged you to stay /<br/>you said 'hey man i love you, but no fucking way'"</p>
<p>it's just sad lams,, i'm so sorry</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Will Not Be Late

**Author's Note:**

> this idea was sprouted from me playing "twin size mattress" by the front bottoms on repeat. that song practically screams lams with a feature of eliza, so, naturally, here i am
> 
> i always wondered why people in this fandom wrote such sad things with no resolution,, i wrote this and still don't know. i hope to see y'all in hell
> 
> (they die, guys, so if you don't want to read that, then this is not for u. proceed with caution)

John Laurens ran to Alexander Hamilton’s wooden home in the city on a dark, rainy night, running from family, war, love, hate, everything. His mind raced and his legs hurt and he didn't know how long he'd been on his feet. It's been hours. Maybe it's been days. 

And then hours, days, weeks, he still doesn't know, later there he was. He stood on the top step of his best friend's home, knocking rapidly after a moment of hesitation. There're murmurs and shuffling and then there's Alexander. Oh, Alexander. He missed those black eyes and ruffled hair and sleepy gaze. And then the sleep is gone, replaced by awe and wonderment and something akin to love, and Laurens just about falls over from exertion and his gaze. 

"John, is that really you?" Alexander steps out to close the door behind him, and John catches a glimpse of silky black hair and a blue sleeping gown disappearing into another room, and his heart drops. 

He nods his head slowly, "Yes, hello Alexander. I’m so sorry to come to you at such a late hour, and in such bad conditions," he gestures vaguely to his torn attire and ruined shoes, "and to interrupt you and your wife's slumber but my god I have been running for days and I don't know the city as well as I used to."

"Oh, my dear Laurens," Alex whispers, something sacred and private, and draws the shaking man into his warm arms and it's as if everything's okay. John takes a huge, wavering breath, burying his flushed and wet face into the fabric of Alexander's thick coat. He must have just gotten home. John doesn't have time to worry as Alexander pulls back, keeping his steady hands on John's rocking shoulders, then moves a roughened hand to his cheek, cupping it and smiling fondly. "I’ve missed your eyes, my John."

"And I yours," he breathes in response, his voice quiet and scratchy, probably betraying his longing.

Alexander brought both of his hands to the lapels of his coat, taking it off and placing it around John, who accepted it gratefully. It was so warm. "How long will you stay? I sure hope you decide to keep us company for some time." His smile was bright and it lit up the dark city. All John could see was his eyes crinkling and the deep navy of the night sky, then looking up, some room in the house had candlelight flickering in a window, a silhouette barely seen as it shifted around. Just as he could make out the shape, it was gone, the flame being snuffed out. He looks back down, sighing deeply.

"I cannot stay anywhere for more than a day or so. There are reasons for this, and they are long and convoluted, so I cannot explain it, my dear Alexander,” while he explains, his eyes go from downcast to looking at his friend, who's smile has dropped, who's eyes are calculating and already his magnificent brain is whirling to change John's mind. "I just needed to see you. I will go back to South Carolina soon, in a few weeks perhaps, if I’m lucky, and I know I do not have much time left."

"John–"

"Alexander," he says, stern and broken, almost pleading. The taller man shuts his mouth. "I had to see your face one last time, and I had to apologize for never coming to your wedding, for never joining congress with you, for being so cold. I wish I had done things differently but I didn't. So here I am, and I am so sorry. I do not have the time, I wish I had the time, but I do not."

By that point, Alexander was silently weeping. Tears fell from his eyes like the whiskey from John's father's glass the day he left, and John wanted to kiss them away. But he couldn't. So he didn't. 

He put his right hand on Alexander's face now, wiping one that was halfway down away. Then he put his other hand on the other side and stepped closer. "I will see you someday, my friend," he whispers, foreheads touching, and Alexander cries harder.

"Stay. Why can't you stay? You don't have to die so soon, please, there is so much left I have to say, so much left you have to do. Oh, my love, think of all we could be," Alex laughs pitifully through the tears and the words, closing his eyes and John can't do anything but watch helplessly, "Eliza and I are moving uptown soon, we just need a time to go, but you can join us. John, you can finally join me. Please, this can be the first time you decide to stay."

John lets himself cry a little, reserved and silent. He makes Hamilton look at him. “Alexander, I love you," he smiles at John, still crying, holding him closer, and John shakes his head, "but no fucking way."

He watches Alexander's face crumble and hears him mutter something like 'I’m not losing you, not this time' before he surges forward and kisses him. John tries not to stumble back from the force and surprise, then he's clinging to Alexander like a life line, which he basically is. He makes a noise in the back of his throat that sounds something like a sob and a sigh and he doesn't know how he can do that when he's so tired. John is painfully aware that even if the candle on the second story was dead, lights illuminating the block were not, and anyone could see them. He reluctantly and weakly pushes his friend away.

"I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Alexander. I loved you, I love you, I’m sorry," he says, weeping, taking off Alexander's coat and returning it, then sobbing, then he looks at Alex one last time before he runs down the steps leading to him and tries to find a dark alley way where he can try to escape everything one last time.

"John! John please!" Alexander is screaming, keeps begging, and then there's silence filled with crying. He thinks he hears the broken sound of an 'I love you too' before he ducks into a shadow ridden corner and falls to his hands and knees. His body shakes. His body gives out. The rain has stopped but his face is still wet. He lets himself fall apart before standing on weak legs, hobbling down foreign streets. He doesn't have much time. He doesn't have any time. He's run out of time.

Oh, Alexander.

-

A month later, Alexander received news of his dear Laurens' death. It happened the same week he had come to see Alex, he knew that much, and his heart was heavy. But he didn't waste time on crying; Alexander cried enough the night John left to last the rest of his life. 

Instead, he wrote. He empowered. He changed history. He made some idiotic and careless decisions. He thought of John, in times of giving up, and quietly spoke or wrote to him as if John would answer.

He never did. 

Years later, he sets up a duel with Aaron Burr, and in his final moments before it commences, he thinks of Eliza, of Washington, his mother, his son, and his John. He's petrified that he lied, that he won't see his friend again, and that this morning was the last time he'll ever hear Eliza’s voice. His heart breaks again.

But then he is shot, and an hour later he hears his Eliza again, and then hours after that, he is silenced by the one thing that always silenced him. His words die out and his heart stops pumping. His eyes are closed when he dies.

And John is there waiting for him.

**Author's Note:**

> i cried while writing this
> 
> thank you to my dear friend for giving me the courage to post this on ao3. this is my first thing on here, idk if it will be my last or not
> 
> feel free to scream at me in the comments


End file.
